im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
