I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
