Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
