did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
