The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
