WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
