I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
