whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
