i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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