I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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