Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
