Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
