Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
