I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
