dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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