Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
