Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
