So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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