If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
