Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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