I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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