It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
