im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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