how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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