I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I want is dick and wine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
