my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
