I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
