At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
