Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize