I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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