I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
