So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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