my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
