Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
