i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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