Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
