wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize