so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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