It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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