that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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