I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
