I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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