I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
