so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize