hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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