im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
