we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize