Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
