I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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