I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize