Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
