Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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