I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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