I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
