did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He shit in the fireplace
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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