Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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