i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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