Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
