So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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