The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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