yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize