Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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