I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
