I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
