just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
