Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did i walk over a car last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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