I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
