she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
