i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
