I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
