you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
