to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
