i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
