we need to drink 2009 down the drain
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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