You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
