It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
