i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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