I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
