i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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