Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
