you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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