New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
