That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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