3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
