4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
