i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Panties = found
Randomize
