Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
