Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
