If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
