you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
