I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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