our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
