Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
