Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize