Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
