Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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