my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
