ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
