I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize