your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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